How I stoped worrying and started to embrace Chaos

It slowly crept up on me the during the last year after our daughter was born. First with three weeks without being home more then one hour and the only known thing is that we don’t know.

Slowly we got more positive news and the world started looking brighter even in the bleak and rainy autumn we had that winter with a view of the construction site that is Hagastaden. A routine emerged with wandering the hospital when we needed to get away from the machines and just see regular people.

After three weeks we finally where able to go home. First time home for the three of us. Still with a tube for extra nutrition. A couple of days after that weekend we went back to the hospital to get the tube removed. She where able to eat fully bye herself. Normality where there in-between visits to doctors and nurses. The appointments have gone down drastically and now the little one is trying to take her first steps by herself and doing great at daycare.

And along came the curveball that is SARS-COV-2 and we have to wash our hands again like we did those weeks after she was born. Some things got triggered in me again and I started doing some pats of life on auto-pilot.

Even in the chaos we have to be strong, not only for her but for ourselves. Keep tasing our hands, keep changing clothes. What pains me most right now is that my parents haven’t been able to meet her for a long time. I know they want to but they both are risk groups and getting old. Better not to risk something now and have them with us for as long as possible. I don’t want too many more visits to hospitals. I just don’t.

Now she is sleeping soundly without any worries and her mother is at work for another hour. I have some dishes to do and I’m waiting for the washing machine to get done.

Keep calm and carry on. And now David Bowie – Starman came on. It’s high time to get somethings done here at home.


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